never eat shredded wheat

At the pub; me, Darryl and Dave are. We are playing pool, and listening to the jukebox. The Cure comes on and I sing a little bit. Like an un-tuned banjo. There is a doggy-woggy in the pub. There is a bar-woman in the pub. There isn't a lot of people in the pub. After tea; I get Ellie, and we climb through Acres' garden. We drink some beers and play football and go to the beach. Laney wants to go home for 'tea' or some other bullshit excuse. An orange football ends up in the river, and a Dawlish Delights box ends up on the road. A brown, almost-empty-apart-from-the-dregs, bottle of Tyskie ends up in the flowers. We end up on Stockton Hill; we end up seeing England and the other Darryl. Dave ends up spitting on our Darryl. I end up at Ellie's. A snail ends up dead - due to an idiotic altercation, featuring alcohol.

In the morning I talk to my mother and sister about their holiday and Darryl comes around. Camembert sandwich. We go into Dawlish Town and we see Mitchell. Dawlish Darryl Delight. We see Jay Pierce, so all the celebs are out today.

Two nights ago we met some dirts in the Ladies Mile campsite. They were from Bristol, they were stupid, they were average looking, they were blond, they were with a troll, they didn't know what Hitler did wrong, they didn't know that Skins was broadcast to the whole nation, they thought that Skins was reality television. Robert Dobbin pulled a whitey.

Me, Dave, Darryl and Laney get a nice pizza by the quay but we have no cash. Luke Holman comes down, and we spy a Russel Crowe-turned-tramp lookalike drinking Sainsburys branded cider. We watch him for a while; he occasionally uses his hands as binoculars, to perve on I dont know what; he repeatedly laughs to himself; he insists on putting on an ACDC bandana. We talk to him and he thinks we are all vampires trying to drink his blood. He believes that the best drugs come from London Town and he reiterates the importance of being pro-active in this cyclical reality.

It is back in Dawlish, and it is; me, Laney, Acres and Dave. We are walking around the cliff. We bump into Dave's sister in the hut smoking and drinking. Not even rebellion. Bandstand Dave is there and he keeps on bursting into beatbox for short intervals, almost at random interrupting peoples dialogue. There is an argument about women and men, it is ridiculous because some people are trying to posit that women are stronger, mentally, than men. Moral fibre.

At home my sister and her boyfriend are watching some kind of sick, eccentric big brother programme with stupid people sitting around a table eating and singing to a stupid dinner. On closer inspection it is a film, and they tell me it is called Beetlejuice. Laker is ill and Magda likes Frank Turner and I am going to bed.