Wednesday

another nasty shit in the wretched porta-loos. then go to the zoo to see the animals. see the Lovell as we go through the entrance and he says the zoo is hilly. we ROAR at the lions for a bit and bark at the rhinos but I dont have a race with one. we see a small orange monkey hanging out with a black one in an enclosure. as we get close he squarks at us and opens up his jaw - but he is being friendly not hostile. we feed him some shoots and he puts his hand out to take them like an over-zealous little kid. we try to feed his acquaintance but the ginger isnt having any of it. eventually we do feed the black one, but the woman tells us not to because they have sensitive stomachs. I'm not chinese; and therefore not in the mood for monkey meat so we leave. we race up a massive flight of steps - naturally - I win. at the top we take a picture because Laker likes that type of thing - there is a nice view of the horizon.

Back at camp we get drunk and the Lovell comes back with Alex and a spliff. Last night we saw the Friendly Fires - they were a bit boring, but we did poppers throughout their set and it made the beat feel nice. When Lovell leaves we have a go on the Mystic Swing. It is a shoddy wooden shack with rotating axes, a foolish man works like a horse pulling a lever to make us move in opposition to the ceiling to give the fleeting illusion of being upside down. Not dissimilar to the ride Vex at Alton Towers. The Mystic Swing is pretty mystic though because it has UV lighting and we have poppers. Then we go to the big tent and listen to some famous DJ collaboration that is meant to be good, but the music sounds muted and it all feels a bit underwhelming. So we down a beer and Laker takes a piss in the tent.

We ditch the big-name DJ for 'The Residential Dance Tent' its quite fun so we get up on stage. But the people tell us to get off and its not fun so we leave. Have a go on the ferris wheel, I shake the carriage and Laker is screaming like a wimp. It feels like I'm on a date with a girl, except that he wants to spit on people from at the top. Then we go to the Chai Walla tent and some people get a Hot-Mama. Its some really spicy pasta thing that burns my lip like the burn from spilled Poppers.

Most people go back to camp but me and Laker go around asking people where Bryony, Dizzee and some pills are. We dont find the G, but Bryony finds us and Laker wants to bosh her BF. I get a burger but its not gourmet because that van has ran out of buns and a burger without a bun is not even a burger. At the camp Rogers wants some laughing gas but we dont have any. Rachel likes limas but is not fond of her Dad.