play football, win football, score a goal, play football lose football score a goal, play football, get kicked in the knee at football, score a goal, watch football, lose at football, smoke a spliff.
drive around the river Fal and chuck rocks at a big boat in the harbour, hide from the girls' car in a field and drive home. indicate right at a junction start to pull out and an exhibitionist on a motorbike screams past me with an alarmingly close proximity. drive home slowly, feel a bit shitted-up, imagine going to prison and getting bummed by some skinny man with tribal tattoos, a grade one and deep-set eyes, I start to feel queazy driving past people on the street as all of their heads turn into that of the bum-rapist-bald-wanker. I feel guilty for driving stoned and start to worry about whether I have STI's. I follow the cats eyes over the hills but I can only concentrate on some horrible scenario of getting my dick chopped off. That song by Boxcar Racer is on.
drive to Truro and drive around for ages, habitually not parking anywhere. get a sexy silver sparkly shirt, get an umbro tshirt and a one-pound ping-pong bat from Sport Soccer. then drive with Andy to find the GU clinic. get lost for ages, walk around in the rain, find the hut, sit in the waiting room drinking swimming pools of tap water, talking loudly about wanking in front of old women and concerned mothers. go in the doctor's room, talk about anal sex and needles, sit on a bed and get my nob out as two women busy-body around the ward, before massaging my balls and spearing my jeb-end with a small spike. my dick feels like Jesus carrying the crest of thorns. on the way out we smoke a spliff and get stuck in traffic.
in a bedroom, an Albanian is fucking a girl with big feet over the bed. he cums inside her pussy and she swells up, later on he makes it up to her by giving her three orgasms before shooting a modest amount on her breasts, because there is no time to aim at her face.
in a bedroom a Welsh girl is sleeping but her indie girlfriend is awake getting frustrated, the trendy girl still has her eyeliner on, smudged, from the night before and starts to go down on her sleeping partner. she wakes up and they mix fluids and drink each other up.
in a bedroom a married couple watch the chart show, the man is excited about the number one cos it puts him in a happy place, the lady is upset that Beyonce is not in the chart cos it makes her wet. they fuck like bunnies and the husband gives his beloved a pearl necklace to show his infinite affections.
in a bedroom a father comes home to find his son in bed with another male. the father's instant reaction is to lash out, he picks up the Bush 14" television set and throws it out of the window. the glass mostly falls outside but a small fracture rebounds into the room and gets caught between the father's big toe, the offending faggot takes this opportunity to dash for the door, he performs a three-hundred-and-sixty degrees spin to elude the bewildered mothers arms and dive through the oversized cat-flap (that is actually designed for their pet dog: Brucey)
in a bedroom it is a hotel and an ordinary couple are having rough sex, the headboard is banging Jarvis Cocker style and the bed is squeaking like a teenage boy doing an impression of a mouse. they take to the floor and the girl embarks on a journey of multiple orgasms, culminating in an earth-shattering pulse of energy causing her to cover her face with a towel and leaving them both astonished.
in a bedroom a child is washing glue out of his eyeball with a Boots own brand eye-bath. he had been trying to make a valentines present for his mother, by sticking a papier mache' love heart to a homemade pink card.
in a bedroom a man is stood at the window, wanking for the whole city to see. Mothers with push-chairs look up with regret, yearning for a man to masturbate for them personally. then they take their baby to a disabled toilet that has ran out of paper and proceed to clean its miniature asshole with their prized pair of satin gloves from Primark.
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