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Darryl and England arrive at Falmouth Docks Station. They are drunken hooligans so I chuck a bag full of water on them from Rupert’s balcony. It splashes an innocent bystander, but he doesn’t mind. Play Pro Evo – loads of arguments, augmented by Darryl. Le Shark is hanging by his tail on the balcony and England cracks a roof-tile with Franco but I keep my calm. Rupert cooks a curry using butter, milk and flour and Dave cleans the window with a broom. Born Slippy. Appropriately England can shout CUNT the loudest and we polish off the Blavod.

The Party bus is lush so we have a party in it. At Wetherspoons we all get pitchers – mine is called Fruity Tutti – except for Darryl who thinks he is Mexican and drinks Corona and Tequilla. Darryl can’t play Jazz on the piano whilst contemplating the universe. Yet.

See everybody else at Q-Bar and Laker takes a shit. Me and Darryl punch each other in the arm like Neanderthals in the Queue for Remedies. Look behind us and Rupert has been kicked out of the club for letting some weird kid in through the fire door. Remedies is lush and on the way back we spy Laker, Acres and England smashing up rocks and hurling them at the Admiral Nelson. Unsurprisingly we join in, I cut my finger and the windows remain intact.

Back at Maritime the caretaker is involved in a little scuffle and everybody is going mental in Andy’s room. Cans of Fosters and belt-buckles, downing drinks and whipping. Pint glasses and ball-bags, thrown, smashed and touched. The caretaker isn’t very impressed when Laker chucks a table and chairs off of the balcony. But its okay because Andy tells him Giz ran in the room and did it. Giz denies this allegation fervently so it must have been somebody else called Giz who did it.

Eat a frozen doner kebab and it tastes just as nice as the takeaway equivalent. Andy comes into my room and asks us to get our weird mate out of his bed. Darryl has listened to MGMT too much and is feigning sleep so we jump on him and drag him out. He commits the same atrocity in my room and wont get out of the bed. I bukkake him with a Buxton sports-cap bottle of water and eventually he leaves.

Football the next day is bullshit because nobody likes us. Cook Chili con Carne and watch Chelsea vs Liverpool. Watch The Shining and fall asleep. Go to uni and shop at Asda. Eat pitta bread and go back to sleep. Listen to Sonic Youth and cook pasta. Drink OJ and have no access to the internet. Have shower and get dressed. Type blog into Word for the first time and not go to look at a house. Finish with a full stop and save document.